The Terrifying Tale of Tommy Tenpence

18 June 2006

Or 'My starring role at the SMC Close-up Night'.

It started like any other day. In a drawer at the bank, taken to the supermarket till, then given as change to some dozy teacher buying a prawn sandwich. Honestly anyway, before I knew it, having spent the afternoon in a dark pocket with a very attractive girl named Penny, I arrived in Lewes to listen to the Sussex Magic Circle Close-Up Competition.

I say 'listen', since this is what I expected to be doing, little suspecting what a starring role I would play! I, a humble coin of the realm, thrust into the magical spotlight - what would grandpa sovereign have said, I wonder?

I sat (well dozy teacher sat, I just jangled) at a table of 3 people. They seemed to enjoy this arrangement as it allowed for a more intimate and authentic atmosphere. Sporting a red dress and a smile to die for, the lovely Sylvia joined us during the show, but that's another story - your chairman may be able to furnish you with further details. The first visitor to our table was Matt Wainwright. He performed a version of Visa Cabaret, a clever routine with 3 banknotes in which he correctly guessed and predicted which pockets each note would go into. Fortunately none of the notes ended up in the same pocket as me; for some reason the folding cousins always look down on us metal money types, and the humans always seem to value them more and suddenly, I was whipped from the pocket in response to Matt's request for a coin. Trying not to blink due to my sudden exposure to the light, I was passed between Matt's hands, Matt having made a prediction of my date on his business card. It was wrong of course, but a magical gesture from Matt changed the date to a correct one. Clever. Teacher wasn't the only one who was out to lunch that day, obviously Matt did some other nice routines, including a travelling hole, a fine bit of deck balancing and a longish card trick with a great finish involving four fives appearing.

The next visitor to our table was Ryan, who had not been aware that only one card trick was permitted in the competition. Rather than drop out of the competition, however, Ryan gamely took the best card effect from his set and 'span it out', interspersing it with visual humour, plugs for his forthcoming show, and amiable if unsuccessful attempts to book co-performers for a gig in London! The effect itself was amusing and involved four kings doing a variety of pasteboard gymnastics, but it was the ending which blew all three humans away, as the entire deck lost its centre, and was left hanging from Ryan's fingers.

Our third visitor was Matt Parr, who, presumably for my benefit, decided to routine his entire act around money. A good idea to have a theme, muttered one of the humans at the table. Another human agreed, adding that a development from coins to notes would build interest. There we go again; blatant anti-coinist attitudes from magicians. Matt however had no such prejudices, and having magically produced bank notes (one from a piece of blank paper, the other from between two cards), he moved onto the feature items - COINS! Once again I was borrowed, and transferred from hand to hand in a puzzling manner. I then had the honour of sharing the spotlight with Penny (whom, if you recall, I had met earlier.) As Matt's hand closed around the two of us, it felt a truly unique moment. Upon opening his hand, Penny had totally vanished! I had a pretty good view of the whole thing, but ethics forbid me from telling you how this miracle was achieved, though modesty aside I am sure Matt was eternally grateful for my help so grateful, in fact, that he bit a huge chunk out of me, held me in front of his mouth and visually spat the chunk back on! I bet that would play well in restaurants. To close, Matt had a very slick tag line including a business card, but it would be unfair to reveal it here.

James Dudley-Smith was our penultimate visitor. He sat at our table; laid out his deluxe Carpet-Right close-up mat and preceded to charm us with his gracious style, gentle humour and entertaining and original magic. Starting with some lettered cards, these were mixed and spelt EARS, nay MARS, both of which James had predicted in an original way. A funny piece of insect mentalism (ask James!) followed; it is always fun to hear grown men scream, and this is exactly what happened! Next James asked who had had a birthday recently. The three men on my table, being unsurprisingly stupid, looked at each other and mumbled pathetically along the lines of 'Well, err, does a few months ago count?', or 'Mine's in July- is that OK?', and other clueless witterings. One look at my shining face would of course have given them the correct answer - it was of course my pin-up girl, the Queen! Undeterred by this pack if ill-informed magi, James proceeded to tell a story of how Her Majesty had invited one of them to a pool party at Buckingham Palace. Of course, who did he use to demonstrate but yours truly! He asked a spectator to draw a face on me (well, he tried) and then magically I penetrated a card and a metal box and fell into the swimming pool below. Well, all right, it was just a glass of water, but you had to be there. James still had time to perform his version of MacDonald's Aces, a fine routine about the dangers of gambling, to which he had even added his own amusing poetry.

What is the odd one out in this list? Fish, Barker, Horse, Knife, Ross' The last, of course, as none of the others would survive without Chips, Corbett, Carriage or Fork, whereas Ross, known as the eponymous larger half of Tall and Small (not that you can have a larger half, obviously) showed us that when deprived of his partner in crime, he has talents as a solo performer as well. He opened with well-performed linking key rings, a logical close-up version of the classic linking rings. A less-logical paddle routine followed, using money, but guess what - no 10p coins were needed, which from a personal perspective would have enhanced the trick. Ross even did some close-up spoon bending. Seeing what he could do to metal, I changed my mind about the paddle routine needing 10p coins; it was fine as it was. Finally, Ross performed Easy Ace Estimation. A very clever trick, which I don't think I've seen for quite a few weeks now, and Ross did it well. Despite the lack of coinage, the humans on my table thought that Ross's act was quick and slick.

As to the competition, James Dudley-Smith was declared the winner, and deservedly so. I know I speak for myself and the humans with whom I shared the evening when I say that it was a genuine pleasure to sit and be entertained personally and with such variety throughout the evening. To see five different performers, and yet not see a single trick repeated in over an hour of magic, is a tribute to their creativity and originality.

Tommy Tenpence, May 2006

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